23 March 2010

What's cooking?

I feel like I've been pregnant for 5 years.

Every other "mom-to-be" seems to be in the express lane, making their kids like a TV dinner instant meal, and here I am with a Thanksgiving dinner in my stomach....taking forever.

I guess this way is better, TV dinners don't have much nutritional value anyway.
....................That doesn't really sound right.
I don't eat children.

I'll stop now.

Then there are the women who have babies like they're on a mission to repopulate the planet ... in a hurry ... who are "Supermoms". The kind that have perfectly well-behaved children and still manage to look stunning ... (Yes, Mia, you.)

How do you turn into one of those?

But........I think even those mothers would admit that they have no idea what is going on. I never know what's going on. I didn't even have to become a parent to admit that.


PS. I don't like my obstetrician's moustache.

12 March 2010

The Upper-lip Stain

This is dedicated to Perry Ruiz: a really classy guy.

Over the years, we have been plagued by what common society calls "the moustache".

What causes this phenomenon, and what would possess someone to choose this lifestyle?

Men (and the occasional hairy-faced woman) are under the false impression that they look appealing and/or attractive.

The problem could be caused, and certainly escalated by a personal lack of razors, or other trimming equipment. In younger adults, the appearance of a moustache (it's worst form, in my opinion) is a young man's bragging right. "Hey, I'm going through puberty, check out the 'stache!"

There are many different types of these horrendous anomalies. Let's take a little tour, shall we?

The Hungarian:

The Toothbrush: (aka: the Hitler 'stache)

The Handlebar:

The Fu Manchu:

Note-worthy people with a Fu Manchu? Anton LaVey, founder of the Church of Satan. Exactly.

Other styles include the "Walrus", the "Chevron", and the "Pencil, which I can't even bring myself to include a picture of, due to my gag-reflex.
If you have a moustache, you are automatically a creeper. Sorry, that's just how it goes.

Conclusion is this: if you are not one of these two men, you should say "NO" to the moustache.


01 March 2010

I'm All Complainy

Back to work in HR ... I feel I have more skill and intelligence than what this project is demanding. I'm sure everyone feels like that with their job from time to time.
Otherwise regarding work: upon my return to the department that hires and fires (among other things) I found someone had commandeered my work space, so I have relocated to the back of the building. The office is huge (though accommodating for an increasingly large person such as myself) with no windows and no visitors. At some point I will have to find a way to stealthily and slyly take back my personal items from the other station ... highlighters, pens, paper clips, etc.

I am attempting to decide whether or not to take internet classes this summer for college. Attempting is the key word there... my summer seems pretty full already. I'm not having much luck; perhaps I should bet on it.... if I sneeze in the next five minutes (good probability there) I will take classes. If I cough.......then no school.

ack ack

Other useless updates:

The new Train album is the best

My back hurts

Button is as big as a honeydew melon

I'll be indulging on a Big Mac tonight

I sat through 4 seasons of pure injustice with Prison Break, only to be completely let down by the ending last night!

On my quest for a perfectly relaxing cd, I came across an album with my favorite classical tunes with "enthralling sounds of the night". Unfortunately, the cd is crickets chirping very loudly on every track, with my favorite classical tunes playing softly in the back ground. (Maybe) the worst $2.56 I've ever spent. ...Maybe.

My back hurts

My back hurts

My back hurts